Academic hemohes?

I’m not sure whether to be worried about this or not. For some odd reason, although I’m based at the University of Helsinki, I’m actually employed directly by the Academy of Finland. They largely leave me to my own devices/have as little to do with me as possible (delete as appropriate), so I was a bit surprised to get an email from them yesterday.

What was even more surprising was the contents of the email. They have now decided to drug test all their academic employees. Not for steroids or EPO (although some field-workers might be tempted to use these), but for drugs that enhance intellectual performance. I hadn’t been aware that there was a problem, but a quick google showed me that it looks like it’s a growing problem in the US.
Why would the Academy be bothered? I guess there might be health concerns, but there are also questions of morality – is it fair to enhance your performance with drugs? No, not that sort of performance. Although, no, perhaps it isn’t fair either.
Anyway, they haven’t said what drugs they are testing for – Proxac is pointless (it’s too easy to spot in Finns. The smile gives it away). I’m a bit worried that they could get over-zealous, and start testing for 1,3,7-trimethyl-1H-purine-2,6(3H,7H)-dione, as that could decimate Finnish mathematics. For myself, I’m more worried that they’ll test my laptop, and charge me with using drugs that reduce performance.

About rpg

Scientist, poet, gadfly
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3 Responses to Academic hemohes?

  1. Richard P. Grant says:

    Bloody hell. Please tell me they’re testing to make sure that you are taking brain enhancing drugs?

  2. Bob O'Hara says:

    I’d need a brain first.

  3. Cath Ennis says:

    My friend was persuaded to try Ritalin at a party once. She ended up sitting in a corner and reading the dictionary. I think she got as far as the Cs.

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