It being Mother’s Day and a lovely spring weekend, I drove the family 23 miles west of Cromer to the village of Stiffkey, whose pub, the Red Lion, does absolutely the best steak and chips in the universe in space in the mind of God. They don’t do it on Sunday, however, which is why we went on Saturday, even though Mothering Sunday is on a … well … Sunday, because they don’t do the steaks on Sunday, as I said before, explaining why we went there most particularly especially on Saturday. Not Sunday. Look, are you following this? Oh, never mind.
So there we were at a table in the absolutely most perfect pub parlour you could imagine (proprietor: Dr. B. Z. of Chapel Hill, NC), the four of us playing ScrabbleTM , with the set obligingly provided by the pub, sat there on ancient furniture lovingly worn down by the hindquarters of generations of stout Norfolk yeomanry (as Stephen Fry once put it within my father’s hearing – the definition of a Norfolk Virgin is a girl who can run faster than her brother), basking in shafts of Spring sunshine coming through the casement until our steaks arrived. And they were every bit as toothsome as promised, with perfect chips and onion rings and salad perfectly dressed with oil and balsamic vinegar and fried tomatoes and a lovely pint of Wherry and I finished off with a small bowl of heaven which is called, so it is, vanilla creme brulee (er … how do you do, like, accents in this place?) and so satisfied I went to Powder My Nose.
Except, on the way back, I cracked my skull on a low beam. My immediate urge was to fall asleep, but I put that down to the fine meal… so I drove us all home in the eVolvo
and then I fell asleep. Right now, more than a day later, I feel kinda drowsy and sleepy and wooooozy and I feel like I’ve got Courtesy Eyes.
You know? When you take your car to the garage for a service and they lend you a Courtesy Car, which you drive around for a couple of days, but it doesn’t feel, like, familiar, and you do strange things you hadn’t done for years, like stall the engine? Yes? Well, it’s just the same for me, only with my eyes.
I hope I feel better in the mornin’.