Commutatis Maledictis

London!

London!

(It’s only a model).

London!

On second thoughts, let’s not visit London. It is a Silly Place.

Notwithstanding inasmuch as which it’s almost precisely approximately exactly two whole years since I have been to the London Orifice (I’m with the Submerged Log Company), I still get anxiety dreams about commuting. These dreams are protean and likewise variable, but these days take the form of my confusion at being confronted with an entirely changed and different London tube map. Old lines have been extended in severally all directions.

Old stations have new names.

There are lots of new stations.

One of these was called ‘Nope’.

When I am – in my dreams – at these stations – there are few clues as to which direction the trains are headed, and indeed if any are headed towards termini with which I have some familiarity such as King’s Crustacean(1).  Other passengers are eager to help but are so far ahead in their metropolitan sophistication that I am none the wiser.

Well, imagine my horror at discovering only yesterday that there exists a new line called the Elizabeth Line of whose existence I had been entirely ignorant. On later inspection I discover that it used to be called Cross Rail. Cross? I was furious. What next? The Onedin Line? The Mason-Dixon Line? The Wallace Line?

I think I’ll stay at home.

(1) King’s Crustacean gets its name from the presence, in the 18th century, of large seawater aquaria that were used to store fresh crabs and lobsters, imported from Cromer, for the table of King George III. It replaced an aquarium at Charing Crustacean, and was superseded by New Crustacean.

About Henry Gee

Henry Gee is an author, editor and recovering palaeontologist, who lives in Cromer, Norfolk, England, with his family and numerous pets, inasmuch as which the contents of this blog and any comments therein do not reflect the opinions of anyone but myself, as they don't know where they've been.
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1 Response to Commutatis Maledictis

  1. Brian Clegg says:

    I prefer Cheering Crustacean myself.

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