WHEREAS Cath@VWXYNot?, author of an independent weblog at http://vwxynot.blogspot.com (“The Blogger”), has somehow managed to use less 2010 vacation time than she thought, and has more unused days remaining than she is allowed to roll over into 2011; and
WHEREAS The Blogger has only ever had three (3) weekdays off work (not including sick days) that were spent at home, rather than on either domestic or international trips, during her almost nine (9) years of residence in the city of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada (“Vancouver”); and
WHEREAS on weekends, the most attractive parts of Vancouver (see Exhibits, attached) are teeming with People Who Do Not Know How To Walk/Jog/Cycle/Rollerblade In Crowds Without Impeding The Progress of Others (“Fuckwits”); and
WHEREAS The Blogger lacks the patience to deal with said Fuckwits in large numbers; and
WHEREAS on weekends, The Blogger therefore tends to avoid visiting the most attractive parts of Vancouver; and
WHEREAS The Blogger has ideas for several interesting writing projects, but can not summon up the requisite mental energy while working full time in a writing-based job, at least not when the weekends are warm and sunny; and
WHEREAS the 2010 Vancouver-Whistler Olympic Winter Games (“The Party Of The Century”) brought the entire Vancouver movie industry to a standstill for three months in the winter and spring of this year (a situation hereby declared “Totally Worth It”); and
WHEREAS The Blogger and her Husband (“Mr E Man”) therefore have no (0) money at this time and can not afford a) to fly anywhere exotic, or b) let Mr E Man take any more time off work this year:
NOW, THEREFORE, it has been agreed that The Blogger shall be released from her place of employment for a period of one (1) week in mid-November 2010, during which time she shall (mostly) stay within the limits of the Vancouver city boundaries (“Staycation”). The activities that shall fall under this Staycation Agreement may include, but not be limited to, the following:
- Visiting the Vancouver attractions listed in the attached Exhibits while they are (relatively) free of Fuckwits;
- Hanging out in coffee bars in the most fun parts of town (which may include, but not be limited to, Kitsilano, Main Street, Commercial Drive, and Granville Island) with a MacBook and an Americano, pretending to be A Writer;
- Catching up on sleep;
- Cooking some delicious dinners;
- Getting to be the one still sitting on the sofa looking cozy with a cup of tea, a fleece blanky, and a kitty cat or two when Mr E Man has to go out into the dark and the rain to go to work (the converse of the situation during The Party Of The Century, and also last week, this week, and possibly for the next two or three weeks while Mr E Man is Between Movies);
- Spending time with friends and/or sisters-in-law who do not work standard weekday 9am – 5pm (PST) hours, possibly including a visit to a spa for a massage, to be followed by a cocktail hour. Or two.
Right, just this work trip to get through (this post is scheduled to publish while The Blogger is at Vancouver International Airport at Stupid O’Clock (PST) on a Monday morning, looking bleary eyed and attempting to make intelligent conversation with her boss and assorted other colleagues), then six more weeks of grants, manuscripts, progress reports, ethics applications, and (how did you guess?) MTAs and collaborative research agreements, and then The Blogger is FREE! FREE! FREE!
(for a week).
NOW, THEREFORE, YAY!
Exhibit A: Stanley Park Seawall. The Blogger has given up all attempts to cycle or rollerblade around this attractive pathway on weekends due to being almost knocked into the water on multiple occasions by Fuckwits stopping dead in front of her for no apparent reason. On one such occasion she was forced to rollerblade rather painfully into a metal fence in order to avoid this fate, and obtained some rather spectacular bruises as a result. The Blogger used to take a detour on her ride home from work to enjoy this route on certain weekday evenings in summer, but since subsequently moving away from her original neighbourhood of Kitsilano this option is no longer practicable. (This Staycation Activity is weather-dependent).
Exhibit B: Granville Island Public Market. Known for its delicious fresh local produce, delicious fresh hot food and beverages, and large roving packs of Fuckwits on weekends.
Exhibit C: Vancouver Art Gallery. The Blogger has never visited for reasons that she can not satisfactorily explain. (She did try during The Party Of The Century, when entry was free, but it was far too busy and full of elite international Fuckwits).
Exhibit D: Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Classical Chinese Garden, which again The Blogger has never visited, nor made any attempt to visit, for reasons that remain obscure.