{"id":5298,"date":"2017-06-18T12:25:57","date_gmt":"2017-06-18T11:25:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/athenedonald\/?p=5298"},"modified":"2017-06-18T12:25:57","modified_gmt":"2017-06-18T11:25:57","slug":"the-patronising-colleague","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/athenedonald\/2017\/06\/18\/the-patronising-colleague\/","title":{"rendered":"The Patronising Colleague"},"content":{"rendered":"

Patronising and mansplaining are both irredeemably etymologically male. I cannot think of female equivalents. That isn\u2019t to say that women can never be patronising or indulge in mansplaining, but I suspect the frequency with which they go in for such activities is rather less than for men. For many women, being patronised is an ever present annoyance. Mansplaining \u2013 a term of much more recent creation \u2013 is equally really, really tedious. The only thing in its favour is it tends to be on a one-off basis, whereas being patronised may be a long-term experience.\u00a0 I wrote<\/a> about an incident which got close to mansplaining several years ago, I suspect before I\u2019d encountered the word. There are far more egregious examples in the public domain: as an example, a woman author being lectured on a book which they themselves have written, and flatly being contradicted when they try to point out this straightforward fact. One should be very careful of who you write off as an idiot simply by virtue of their gender!<\/p>\n

But, to turn to the long-term irritation that is patronage and\/or being patronised. Maybe once upon a time patronage was a good thing (although it surely always smacked of the old boy\u2019s network). There is no doubt that sponsorship would be the modern version of patronage in the sense of putting someone\u2019s name forward in the context of job vacancies, prizes etc. But being patronising now has a significantly different and more negative connotation. As a quick look in the dictionary indicates, it has overtones of being superior even if ostensibly the actions are kind. Certainly I am sure many of us recall being treated by someone apparently with praise, but the remarks are qualified by \u2018at your stage of career\u2019 or \u2018that\u2019s impressive for you\u2019 or something equivalent. Or, the variant I well remember from mid-career episodes of frustration, to be allowed to make a point of view and told that it was all very interesting but, in essence, no one was going to take the slightest bit of notice. The people who did this to me no doubt thought they were being very kind in even permitting me to open my mouth, but they had already decided before I did so to pay no heed.<\/p>\n

It is interesting to try to analyse the motivations for this kind of behaviour. I would hypothesise that the worst offenders of being patronising are those whose egos are most fragile. A confident person knows they are not always right \u2013 be it about science, or strategy or what colour to paint the walls. The context to some extent does not matter. And since they know this, but are confident enough to believe that they may be right more often than not and if they are wrong they have something to learn, they want to hear other people\u2019s views so that progress can be made. Those people who, on the other hand, have little confidence in their own judgement are much more likely to bluster and wish not to hear anyone else\u2019s views in case their own ignorance is shown up or it becomes plain just how bad their judgement is. And then there are those who are so convinced of their brilliance \u2013 even if the evidence for this in other people\u2019s eyes may be thin \u2013 that they simply cannot conceive that anyone else has anything to teach them or offer the wider world. They know it all and have done it all, regardless of any actual facts.<\/p>\n

So, in the face of patronising behaviour, what can you do? This is a hard question to answer. In the case of mansplaining it may be tempting to tell the offender that they are \u2018an ignorant little twerp who should have humility enough to check their facts before opening their mouth, who should read more and speak les<\/em>s\u2019 \u2013 but, apart from the momentary satisfaction of seeing the guilty party squirm, it is unlikely to do much good. Personally, I suspect a quiet correction followed by deliberately walking away, turning one\u2019s back, is probably a more dignified response and better for the blood pressure too.<\/p>\n

But long term patronising colleagues are a different matter and it isn\u2019t clear that direct action on the victim\u2019s part can usually solve the problem. It is, however, probably another situation where third parties can help out either publicly in meetings or having a quiet word later with the guilty party.<\/p>\n

One tactic the sufferer could try to adopt, when the offender is someone who is higher up the ladder, is to take them up on their, quite possibly insincere, offer of help. Try lines such as:<\/p>\n

\u2018Would you be so kind as to read my grant application?\u2019
\n\u2018Thank you so much for being so supportive. Would you be willing to nominating me for this award please?\u2019
\n\u2018I\u2019m facing this tricky problem with a student and I\u2019m sure your insight could be helpful.\u2019<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

With those lines you have nothing to lose. They may choose not to help (but they\u2019ll probably not offer \u2018help\u2019 again which may be a blessing). If they do help out you can choose whether or not to take on board the advice they give, but if you do get the grant or award they are likely to believe it was their brilliance that made the difference. That way the relationship will not go west in the way that is likely to ensue from saying head on \u2018stop being so smug and patronising\u2019.<\/p>\n

The challenge I still (perhaps surprisingly) seem to face, is how to deal with people who aren\u2019t higher up the ladder but who still seem to regard it OK to patronise or mansplain to me presumably simply because I\u2019m a woman. If anyone has some useful tips for that situation I\u2019d love to hear them, because I haven\u2019t got beyond thinking in terms of a passive aggressive response, which I really don\u2019t think is helpful or wise. It is a sad fact that many people do not seem able to stop being patronising regardless of their audience or the unsuitability and unattractiveness of such behaviour. If only they knew that others do note it (and indeed compare notes about it) and it isn\u2019t actually going to assist them in their own progression.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Patronising and mansplaining are both irredeemably etymologically male. I cannot think of female equivalents. That isn\u2019t to say that women can never be patronising or indulge in mansplaining, but I suspect the frequency with which they go in for such … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,1,27],"tags":[1142,1141,1140],"class_list":["post-5298","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-science-culture","category-uncategorized","category-women-in-science","tag-frustration","tag-mansplaining","tag-sponsorship"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/athenedonald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5298","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/athenedonald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/athenedonald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/athenedonald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/18"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/athenedonald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5298"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/athenedonald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5298\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/athenedonald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5298"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/athenedonald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5298"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/athenedonald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5298"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}