\nIt’s that pang, see?<\/p>\n
\nMy antipathy towards cats does not yet extend towards wanting to poison the furry little bastards, and I still haven’t been able to get a clear answer as to whether mortally wounded (or even dead) gastropods are likely to get eaten by the attent, sleek<\/a> thrushes, and by eating, end them. <\/p>\n \nSo I have been trying to find a less drastic method of protecting my garden, somewhere in between picking up up each slug or snail by hand (and \nAside: it’s not that I’m a priori<\/em> opposed to vicious chemicals. I’ve just sprayed my chilli plants with a rather deadly-smelling concoction. War is hell.<\/p>\n \nUp until now, my anti-gastropodial defences have consisted in a mix of petroleum jelly and red diesel, spread around the rim of the pots. This seems to be effective, although a bit tedious, and the supply of diesel is going to run out eventually: especially seeing as it makes an excellent starter for barbecue fuel. None of this poncy stuff that doesn’t actually catch light: I want<\/em> the lighter fluid that harms the environment and kills fishes. A man’s got to light his fire\u2014it’s a high steak game. And I can never find the Vaseline (stop sniggering, Brooks).<\/p>\n \nSeeing as it was a good friend gave me some strawberries and marigolds (prime slug\/snail fodder) to get my garden started, I’m even more inclined to look after them. Henry suggested coffee grounds, so I’ve been keeping the byproducts of the espresso maker for two weeks now, and on Saturday afternoon, after transplanting the marigolds and some other plants (thanking my mother, the fount of all gardening knowledge, for the geraniums) I sprinkled the grounds round the freshly transplanted plants.<\/p>\n \nI have no idea whether it’s meant to be a thick covering, or a thin sprinkling, but there about two cereal bowls worth of grounds went into my Maginot Line. It was pointed out to me that slugs could, potentially, climb the fence and then abseil down onto my preciouses, but I decided I’d risk it for now.<\/p>\n \nAnd then, on Saturday night, it rained. It rained again Sunday. <\/p>\n \nSurely this would bring out the armies of Gastropod?<\/p>\n \nWell, I really don’t want to do the control experiment, but I searched for any sign of infestation this morning, and saw<\/p>\n \n \nI sounded the all clear. In my mind’s eye I can see a top level conference with General Slug and Field Marshal Snail planning how to breach my wall of caffeine, perhaps with soy milk and Splenda, but in the meantime, my plants are safe.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Nobody wins a war. Ever since the summer of 2002, when the axis of evil\u2014in the guise of huge, man-eating, orange slugs\u2014swept up from Saffron Waldon and laid siege to the strawberry fields of Sawston (or at least, my corner … Continue reading throwing them into the neighbours’ garden<\/del> crushing them beneath my booted feet) and laying waste to the earth.<\/p>\n![\"The](\"http:\/\/twitpic.com\/show\/thumb\/6w496.jpg\")
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