{"id":312,"date":"2011-02-04T03:28:36","date_gmt":"2011-02-04T03:28:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/stevecaplan\/?p=312"},"modified":"2011-02-04T03:28:36","modified_gmt":"2011-02-04T03:28:36","slug":"hypochondriac-humor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/stevecaplan\/2011\/02\/04\/hypochondriac-humor\/","title":{"rendered":"Hypochondriac humor"},"content":{"rendered":"

It took me years, but I can freely admit my hypochondriac<\/a> tendencies today–certainly in a non-face-to-face-blog. But rather than elaborate on that topic, I would like to tell you about an interesting telephone call that I recently had.<\/p>\n

We are on the infamous “Do-Not-Call<\/a>” list that here in the US is supposed to stop or at least decrease the frequency that we receive unwanted solicitations over the phone. Always at dinner, of course.<\/p>\n

“Hello?” Rough and wary edge to my voice.<\/p>\n

“Mr. Chapman? How ya doin’ today, sir?”<\/p>\n

I can tell that this isn’t an immediate family member–it’s the Chapman-rather-than-Caplan that gives him away–so I answer. “Actually, not too well, my back is quite sore, and my neck is rather stiff.”<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry to hear that, sir. I—”<\/p>\n

“…and I may have an ear infection, not to mention that my throat feels inflamed and I’ve had some nausea earlier on…”<\/p>\n

“Well, I’m really sorry about that, sir, I just—”<\/p>\n

“No, I’m not done. My heart has been beating rather rapidly, and I’m somewhat concerned that with my high blood pressure that this might be dangerous, but I just can’t seem to relax. I also have a pain in my knee, but that’s from chondramalacia patella, as I used to run marathons before I hurt my knee–in fact both knees. My ankles, on the other hand, are somewhat weak, and my achilles heel aches when the weather is cold–Hello? Are you still there?”<\/p>\n

Why bother with the “Do-Not-Call” list, this is so much more fun…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It took me years, but I can freely admit my hypochondriac tendencies today–certainly in a non-face-to-face-blog. But rather than elaborate on that topic, I would like to tell you about an interesting telephone call that I recently had. We are … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":35,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[81],"tags":[105,1237,104],"class_list":["post-312","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-do-not-call","tag-humor","tag-hypochondria"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/stevecaplan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/312","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/stevecaplan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/stevecaplan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/stevecaplan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/35"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/stevecaplan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=312"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/stevecaplan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/312\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/stevecaplan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/stevecaplan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/occamstypewriter.org\/stevecaplan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}