Our local swimming pool seems to have a rule that it must contain at least one creepy old man at any given time.<\/p>\n
There’s a guy who hangs out in the shallow end, goggles on, but who only ever gets wet above the chest when a female swimmer approaches in his lane, at which point he ducks under water and stares. There’s another man who never even gets in the water, but just wanders around or sits in a chair, staring at people. A new guy last night was obsessing over how the instructors teach the kids to swim, and started to berate one of them in the middle of a lesson for doing it wrong. (Buddy, you don’t get to talk about streamlining until you’ve lost at least 50 pounds and waxed your back).<\/p>\n
This situation means that the pool’s female users are very proficient in the art of the disgusted look, specifically of the “you filthy pervert!” variety.<\/p>\n
And last night, one of those looks was directed at me!<\/p>\n
I would like to state for the record that I do not have a pregnant woman fetish. It’s just that two of my friends were in the dive pool with all the other expectant mothers, floats secured above and below their bumps, and doing some gentle exercises with the rest of the class. I’d chatted to one friend before the class started – she tries to arrive early so we can do a few lengths together – but we hadn’t had a chance to arrange the weekend’s social events. And I completely missed the other friend arriving, because she was running late and went straight to the class. So as I walked past the dive pool on my way to the showers, I mouthed “call me!” and did the thumb-pinkie finger telephone sign with my hand.<\/p>\n
Twice.<\/p>\n
I did this because my two friends were at opposite ends of the pool, but the effect was that I seemed to be trolling the entire class for a date. At least that’s what I guessed when the woman next to my second friend gave me the familiar “you filthy pervert!” look.<\/p>\n
I would also like to state that I am not an exhibitionist, and did not exactly plan to stage a mobile one-woman wet t-shirt competition. It’s just that I forgot to bring a towel, and had to put my cycling gear back on and ride home before I’d dried off.<\/p>\n
Honest!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Our local swimming pool seems to have a rule that it must contain at least one creepy old man at any given time. There’s a guy who hangs out in the shallow end, goggles on, but who only ever gets … Continue reading