One of my secret loves is watching each series of Strictly Come Dancing. It is a feel-good vibe we all need in these dark geopolitical days, however much I don’t care how many sequins are sewed on by hand. So, when head judge Shirley Ballas’ memoirs were for sale at 99p on Kindle, I splashed out. What I wasn’t expecting was to find how much her world of ballroom dancing resonated with experiences many women in the sciences would be familiar with. Perhaps most spheres have similar problems.
Sentences like
‘The more successful I became as a female in that [ballroom dancing] world, the more it seemed the men at the top wanted to put me down.’
Sound familiar to mid-career women? It reminds me of the newly minted female FRS who, a number of years ago told me her department wouldn’t celebrate because it ‘wasn’t her turn’. Clearly she had put someone’s nose out of joint, because some male colleague had felt more entitled than her, as a mere woman. Entitlement is such a pernicious emotion.
When I was writing my book about women in science, I conducted an entirely unscientific survey to find out what mid-career women of my acquaintance, across a range of disciplines, felt about how they were treated now they were successful. I explicitly asked them if things were better or worse, so as not to phrase the question in a leading way. Most had reservations about their experiences (although some noted how much less they were susceptible to sexual harassment, undoubtedly a massive improvement). But answers often indicated similar sentiments to Ballas, such as:
‘My main observation is that my achievements are not as important as those of other researchers. “Excellence” is a perception not an absolute. And I often get the impression that my successes (e.g. high impact publications) are resented, rather than celebrated.’
In a slightly different vein, to take another couple of sentences from the Ballas book:
‘Was it because I didn’t do exactly what I was told? Was it because I didn’t toe the line, because I didn’t always agree with what was said?’
Another feeling I strongly recognized, as did others. For instance, one woman of my acquaintance said
‘If I return conversational fire at even half the intensity I’m receiving it people will back off, frightened and sometimes even complain that I am threatening. This acts to exclude me from robust discussion that others can participate in.‘
Women are, it would seem, too often expected to do what they are told without fighting their corner, a sure-fire way to get trampled on and fail to progress.
It probably is the case that many men feel similarly, that if they don’t metaphorically fight for themselves they will get squashed, and if they do they will be seen as not behaving properly by those who try to control things, but it’s a double whammy for women because we cannot help but be ‘different’. The reality is that, in any, even perhaps in all sectors, there are those (cast your eye across the Atlantic) who want women to remember they are not entitled to anything very much at all except do what they are told – amounting to coercive control in a domestic situation, although I’m not sure there is an equivalent phrase professionally – and bear and bring up children.
When I lived in the USA, back in the years around 1980, I remember seeing flyers in windows around Ithaca saying of Ronald Reagan, the Republican candidate back then, ‘This man has what it takes to set the world back twenty years’. By comparison, what followed that election was a relatively benign period compared with what we are seeing right now. But, I come back to that word ‘entitlement’, which many men seem to feel but far fewer women.
The other side of the coin is, of course, the issue that this week’s HEPI report highlighted – how many male teenagers don’t make the grade at GCSE and thereafter. We should indeed worry about these boys, who are brought up in a world which seems to work against them, and which spits them out at a higher rate than young women. And it spits them out into a world which fuels their resentment in dangerous ways, rather than offering them a safety net, a way to get back onto a ladder which will lead to employment and a secure home and life. There is no doubt that this is a massive problem that we have to find ways to overcome, to ensure that teenage boys don’t feel disaffected from society before they’ve even started on their adult trajectory. But many of them will react at least as badly as Professor X when they see a contemporary female achieving more than they manage and some deeply rooted societal message implies ‘that’s not fair, men should be the top dog’.
I have no solutions to this problem. Maybe it will take many generations for the idea of true equality between the sexes to take firm hold. All I can point out is, if you are a woman – at any stage of your career and probably in any sector – if a man is determined to demean you it does not mean the criticism is legitimate. It is so easy for a woman to feel that somehow she has transgressed if a diatribe (or silent action) is directed at her to suggest she should know her place. The reality, although it may be small consolation, is that a man may be feeling threatened when his own inadequacies are being shown up, or his status implicitly questioned. Unfortunately, it is all too often impossible to avoid such people and work with those – of whom there are many – who are genuinely supportive.
