Retirement is a strange state, at least for me. I’ve written recently about one aspect of it, looking at whether or not I had achieved anything like a coherent ‘portfolio’. Writing that previous blog reassured me I had not taken on a crazy mishmash of activities just in order to fill my time. However, there is still the question of when to say yes and when to say no. This will be a question that can perplex an individual at any stage in their career, and it is another topic that has turned up previously on this blog. However, here I am thinking not so much of ‘roles’, ongoing activities that might be added to either the day job or a post-retirement portfolio, but the singletons. If someone asks you to come and do X, be it at the other side of the country or the other side of the world, what factors should you think about before giving an answer?
Everyone’s response to this will be different, depending on what they value, their domestic arrangements and their diary. Nevertheless, if the request is viable but not particularly attractive, or if it looks lovely but would put a significant strain on other parts of your life, it can be harder to make a decision. I realise, for me and I’m sure for others, guilt can also come in to play. This, I recall, was a conversation I had many years ago with Mary Beard, as her fame took off. People wanted a ‘piece’ of her, at schools, in the media or at festivals, to give a few examples of types of ‘piece’. As the requests were coming thick and fast, she was struggling to make choices between many worthy opportunities. If there is, technically, space in your diary, is it reasonable to say no to some deserving group? The answer has to be yes, because otherwise collapse, mental and/or physical might ensue. Collapse also of the space to think about the next piece of work, the next undergraduate lecture, book – or the family.
That was Mary’s conundrum at that point in her career. Now she is retired from a formal University role, like me, no doubt she is re-evaluating such decisions. As am I. Retirement may make it look as if one has all the time in the world to visit the extremities of the country (although my diary certainly doesn’t read like that), but retirement also means energy levels are not that of a twenty-year old, nor does new information necessarily stick so well in the brain, as brain plasticity slows down (depressing but true). So, I am having to rethink what is reasonable given these factors.
Many years ago, I was asked – and agreed – to present the prizes at a girls’ school at a location that was annoyingly difficult to get to by train (and I’m no great driver, leaving aside my carbon footprint). I went and realised that for an hour on a dais shaking teenage girls’ hands as I murmured encouraging words on their success was a poor return on many hours on multiple trains and a night away. I decided at that point that this was not something I would repeat, unless there were some additional motivation, such as combining the visit with something else nearby or a particular connection with the venue.
I’ve been asked to participate in formal debates, and decided – regardless of location or prestige – that that did not coincide with my skillset, given I could be pitched, as a novice with zero experience, against those who’d spent many years perfecting skills in debating societies. Thus, when I was asked to take part in a so-called disputation elsewhere in Europe, however interesting the topic (and I forget what it was), it was easy to say no for that reason, quite apart from what was clearly going to be another tricky place to reach with a tedious, long-winded journey.
However, the guilt for me really comes in when it’s a school that’s putting in a request. I want to feel I can pass on some of my love for my subject to those just setting out. I get letters asking me to come in and inspire their classroom and, sometimes, I simply feel that to squeeze in another long train journey is asking too much and I have to decline. But it doesn’t stop the guilt lurking. I can’t help but notice that the requests tend to come from those schools which no doubt are used to lining up a series of such talks, rather than the ones where the pupils never get the chance to meet a real scientist. The ones with a nice middle-class PTA and money to cover a speaker’s travel are the ones that put in a request. I would far rather go to a school in a disadvantaged area – there are plenty such not that far from Cambridge city centre – even while knowing the class I would meet is far more likely to be disruptive or bored. Yet, reaching one child to raise aspirations in such a school should be its own reward, Being just one speaker amongst many, where children have already mentally sorted themselves into interested in STEM or not, because they’ve been able to gain a good impression of what that means from previous speakers…doesn’t feel so inspiring to me. It is certainly one criterion on which to base my decisions.
Everyone, retired or not, has to decide what is ‘worth’ it for them, as well as their audience. Which invitations or new challenges to take up is very personal, but the guilt may still linger when saying ‘no’, necessary though that may be for the good of one’s health and diary.
