The Chronicles of Pupperino: The First Four Months

Hello. My name is Miss Posy Fossil. I am a Golden Retriever. I was born under a wandering star / in a trunk in the Princess Theater in Pocatello Idaho on 2 December 2019. On 26 January I said goodbye to my mother, brother and sisters and moved to my new home. Here is what happened next.

Day 3. Dad works at home. I’ve worked out that I should lie across one of his feet, in case he has to get up — to feed me.

Day 5. Today I visited this great place. It’s called the ‘vet’. I got a lot of cuddles. Here is my new fren Louise.

Day 6. At the end of a busy day spent running around, playing, and eating, all one can do is wrap oneself in a scarf and go flomp. It’s exhausting being this adorable.

Day 7. I think the natives are beginning to accept me as one of their own.

Day 7 (continued). Today I am two months old. My plan for world domination is taking shape. One day soon any object placed on this coffee table will fall victim to my swishy tail.

Day 8. Already I have proven my worth. Today I saved the house from invasion by large pink aliens.

Day 9. Tried to launch myself onto Dad’s lap but bounced off. I have however managed to climb six steps up the staircase, which is more than the Daleks achieved. Galactic domination can only be days away.

Day 14. Mid-morning. After running around madly for the past four hours, it’s all finally caught up with me.

Day 15. These tiny golden retriever puppy teeth are the sharpest teeth in the world. They could rip the strap of this croc clean off. So I have just one question. Do you feel lucky?

Day 16. I’m now big enough to climb onto the sofa and therefore onto Dad’s tummy while he’s having a shluf. No corner of the house will be spared my adorableness! Except that Dad’s put a gate in the hall so I can’t go upstairs. I’m too tiny, they say. TOO TINY. Harumph. We’ll soon see about that.

Day 17. I can has my Mummy where I want her.

Day 21. It is a fact universally acknowledged that all human footwear must be chewed/gnawed/thrown around/hidden/combinations of the above. But sometimes one has to admit de feet.

Day 22. I found this spoon. I feel strangely stirred.

Day 24. I have a new fren! OffSpring#1 is visiting. He obviously needs a cuddle.

Day 31. Celebrity Personal Appearance at the Vet, which I enjoyed. Here I am again with my fren Louise. Also, first day on a leash – not so much.

Day 32. Elvis says I’m not allowed to put my paws on the table. Er… hang on…

Day 35. I’m three months old today! Where has the time gone? Time for a comfy snooze.

Day 38. A big day today. I went to the beach. I had never been to the beach before. If you’ve never been to the beach, you should go. It’s AMAZING. At first it seemed awfully big. But then I met some new frens and ran around and paddled in a tide pool. Then I went to Henry’s Cafe and was very spoiled . Then I went to sleep. Zzz. I hope I go to the beach again, it was GREAT.

Day 40. Here I am at Henry’s café, my favourite place to be for aprés-plage. If I’m especially good I get treats and some of Dad’s sausage roll.

Day 41. Playing on the beach with my new fren Spud.

Day 44. This is me having a well-earned snooze at 8:30 this morning after chasing Dad around for 3 hours. Honestly. He was terrible. Stopping me doing things I wanted like going outdoors, coming in again, going outdoors five minutes later, coming in again, snarfling the cat food, barking a lot, disemboweling the sofa and stealing Mum’s shoes.

Day 45. Here I am with my good fren Elvis. He’s a very chilled doggo. He doesn’t mind it if I chew his ears or suck his head.

Day 46. So, we’re on the beach, and Dad throws this blue thing called a ‘ball’. ‘Fetch!’ he says. I chase it, because, you know, that’s what I do. I’m a dog. But when I get there I don’t know what to do with it. Do I pick it up? Do I bury it? What? Dad picks it up again and throws it into the sea. Does he think I’m going in there? I don’t mind the water — but the sea is just so big. You know, noisy, with waves, and everything. ‘Call yourself a Retriever?’ says Dad. ‘I want my money back!’ But he doesn’t mean it because I’m so adorable, and, anyway, we went to Henry’s Cafe for treats.

Day 51 (or thereabouts. What do you expect? I’m a dog). I love going to the beach. The best thing about the beach is finding new frens to play with. The other best thing is digging holes. As you see I now have this very fashionable harness that Mum and Dad bought me in Coastal Pets in Cromer. A nice lady at the shop gave me a special fitting. Mum and Dad are staying at home a lot and looking worried. I cheer them up by inventing new games for them to play. The best one is Find-The-Footwear. I am very good at hiding Mum’s new expensive shoes. I hid Dad’s nice boots. He has found one of them but has no idea where I have hidden the other. Now he has to go around in his hiking boots. The laces are a bit chewed. I can’t imagine how that happened.

Day 54. Went to Trimingham Beach with my frens Lulu and Ronnie. Lulu is teaching me how to play ball, but she won’t always let me have a go. But I don’t mind cos I’m a Golden Retriever Pup running around in the sunshine and that’s the BEST.

Day 55. Mum and Dad went to the shops to get some new engraved pet collar tags for me and my frens. And probably loo rolls. They came back with this brand new secondhand sofa from Sue Ryder specially for me. If I stay very still I just merge into the background.

Day 56. Here I am relaxing with my fren Elvis who is also a very good doggo. I don’t know what sort of doggo he is. I have asked him but he won’t say. He just purrs.

Day 57. I found this spoon. It’s my spoon. It’s the best spoon. Okay, so now it’s just a very chewed piece of wood. But it’s still my spoon. I love my spoon.

Day 58. I think I might have overdosed on shoes.

Day 59. Gosh I have been busy. I have spent all morning in the garden chewing sticks, and helping Dad plant potatoes. Now I am helping my Mum doing some baking, and hoping she’ll drop nice things on the floor. Edible or not, it’s all the same to me, as long as I can get it down the bone chute.

Day 60. Mum has been trying to do her degree course at home. She says I am a ‘pickle’. So Dad has just taken me for a long walk (‘my ration of one daily exercise’, he calls it.) We went with my frens Ronnie and Lulu. Dad wouldn’t let us talk to the other dogs because ‘social distancing’. But now I am pooped.

Day 62. Phew. What a day. I helped Mum take an online Nursing Practice exam. This involved a lot of running around barking. After that I helped Mum sort out her revision notes. I might have eaten some of them. I can’t remember. It’s all a blur.

Day 63. The family has been spending lots of time watching box sets. First we had The Lord of the Rings. Now we are well in to The Hobbit. I’m not really interested in these so Mum gave me this wooden spatula. It’s mine. My own. My precioussss…

Day 64. I am on the sofa cleaning one of Dad’s shoes. My special fren Elvis, the purring doggo, has come to see what I am doing. I might let him help clean Dad’s shoe with me. Jobs like this are much more fun with two.

Day 66. Dad is working from home – I love to help. He lets me do useful things like shred envelopes and bank statements.

Day 67. Today I am 4 months old. As I am now a big grown up doggo Mum and Dad let me stay up to watch the News at Ten. So many people are isolated and on their own. I wish I could go visit them and be their fren. I’d cheer them up with entertaining games like ‘hide-the-shoe’ and ‘guess-what-disgusting-thing-I-have-in-my-mouth’.

About Henry Gee

Henry Gee is an author, editor and recovering palaeontologist, who lives in Cromer, Norfolk, England, with his family and numerous pets, inasmuch as which the contents of this blog and any comments therein do not reflect the opinions of anyone but myself, as they don't know where they've been.
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