A variant on the impostor syndrome (as blogged by Athene Donald)
A few weeks ago I bumped into one of my colleagues at the University – he is in a different Department and is a young (ish) PI like myself. I had sent him an email which he hadn’t had the time to respond to. So he says I am so sorry I’ve been meaning to respond, I will soon, its in my guilt box.
I know how he feels.
I have grants I need to finish, grants I need to start, papers I need to finish, research I need to start, students I need to talk to, a lab I need to finish building, a group to run, data analysis I need to do, meetings I need to go to, seminars I need to attend, talks I need to write. My guilt box is overflowing at the moment.
Its not that I am not getting anything done, I am, but one of my mental curses is that I never feel like I am getting enough done – its just that in my new role this feeling has grown from a low-level background growl to almost overwhelming, like some strange Dantean gluttony punishment, and like my Aunt Helen would’ve said ‘looks like you plate done disappeared’
So what I am I doing blogging? In fact what I am doing not working ALL OF THE TIME. This can’t be normal.
Everyone else seems so calm.