I spent most of yesterday trying to make my garden look like less of a disgrace. My mother-in-law’s patented “let’s see the positive at all times” observation that “your garden looks so colourful!” made me realise that it really was time to get rid of some of the hundreds of dandelions, and get my seeds in at the same time. (I know it’s probably the wrong time of year – but then I take a Darwinian approach to growing vegetables. Plant all the seeds at once and the ones that survive will obviously be the best (and hopefully tastiest) specimens).
I filled an entire bin full of the thousands of dandelions and other assorted weeds; dug in some satisfyingly dark, rich compost; transplanted my tomato plants; seeded courgettes, onions, peas and cucumbers in the aforementioned haphazard fashion; and, due to the inconvenient ban on using Agent Orange, had to tackle the lawn with our trusty, rusty old push-mower.
The exercise brought up some questions:
- why have all those years of artificial selection produced tomatoes that are easily killed by the slightest hint of gardening incompetence? Two have fallen over and the other one is a bit yellow. I followed all instructions to the letter. Some kind of evolutionary trade-off I suppose.
- is there any other plant that has evolved to reproduce as successfully as the dandelion? Its seeds have to have one of the most efficient dispersal systems in all of nature, and those roots… why can’t tomatoes have roots like that? Of course, the evolutionary trade-off in this case is that dandelion heads are easily dealt with before seed dispersal if the local selective pressures include cigarette lighters. Setting fire to millions of dandelion clocks is fun.
- my lawn includes various types of grass, daisies, clover, billions of dandelions, and at least three other weed species. Can I claim it as a biodiversity project and get a government grant of some kind?
- can growing trillions of dandelions count as a carbon offset?
I have a lot to learn about being a grownup gardening.
¨Perhaps I should post this on the Collaborations group, but thanks to your post I’ve just had a brilliant idea for a mad scientist to try. Roundup-ready dandelions. Preferably ones which glow in the dark.
I’d be wary of tampering with them too much. The little buggers are close to taking over the world already. Have you not read Day of the Triffids?
Your first question is super interesting. Do tastier tomatoes come with a more delicate constitution? Is it a conspiracy by the seed companies? I, too, have had a ton of problems growing tomatoes. Usually I either have not enough sun or too much sun.
Dandelions are also very annoying (aka well-adapted, if you’re a dandelion) in that you can’t pull them up from the cracks between the paving stones, as I’ve been trying to do this weekend. Grass, other species, etc, all can be uprooted fine, but dandelions end up with just their leaves in your hand and the rest of the plant “ungettable” (next week, try again).
My dad used to go round with some amazing chemical gun thingy, squirting evil liquid over them, but I am sure that is Very Bad Form nowadays.
Dandelions are the kings of natural selection. It’s evolution that’s made them impossible to kill, thanks to generations of gardeners pulling up all but the strongest and most ornery, and leaving these to reproduce and take over the world. So roll on Maxine’s Dad’s Chemical Gun Thingy.
At the Maison Des Girrafes we have, perhaps predictably, a zoological solution. Our indefatigable free-range super-lagomorph, Beelzebun Demon Bunny of DOOM, will eat dandelions, and eat them again, and just keep eating them, until the little buggers die from ribulose bisphosphate carboxylase deficiency, or something.
In Be Your Own Vegetable Expert,
Christopher SurridgeDr David Hessayon opines that it’s amazing that tomatoes are such popular crops when they are so fussy. Tricky to germinate; very picky about precisely how they are watered, and irritatingly susceptible to greenfly and blossom-end-rot.My solution:
1) Try growing from seed, germinating in a really hot place, like in a greenhouse and additionally under plastic. If they don’t germinate, f@@k’em, they don’t deserve you. Buy or beg some likely plants, put them in a sunny spot – sheltered, but with just enough breeze to keep the dreded blossom-end-rot spores away, and water them every day without fail. Growing in the ground with lots of compost is easier than gro-bags or tubs. Interplant with basil to keep the greenfly away, and if the fungi show their evil little faces, spray with bordeaux mixture.
Monkey girl: I’m glad it’s not just me! Given my location in a temperate rain forest, they’ll get as much sun as the rest of us, no more, no less.
Maxine, a passing old geezer told me to try a mix of salt and white vinegar. Apparently it kills all the way down to the roots. The only problem would be that I’d have to stop every hour to get some chips. (The proper English kind, not crisps).
Henry: thanks for all the advice! I tried growing from seed last year – they started off fine inside, but didn’t survive the transfer. This year’s plants were bought as seedlings. How much water do they like? I’m not sure if we have greenfly around here but I do have some basil seeds I could chuck in there. The local raccoons preclude the use of rabbits to trim the dandelions – vicious little beasties, they are.
Dandelioms are nothing compared to the Queen of the invading species Japanese Knotweed. This will grow through tarmac, push paving slaps aside and grow 3-4 m high in dense thickets. Leaf litter takes 3 years to decompose so it eliminates all competition. Scarily, all the plants in the UK (and possibly all of W. Europe) are a single clone of a female plant. Dandelions are nothing compared to this evil weed.
Are Artists Mad? Well one of the instalations in this years Tatton Park biennial contains planted Japanese knotweed in pots. Less than a gram of the crown of this plant can grow to a full specimen with routes up to 3m deep. This plant is so invasive, it is an offense in the UK to plant it anywhere. And the artist thinks it is a cool artwork!
Yikes! I followed that link to make sure that the other unidentified weeds in my garden aren’t Japanese Knotweed, and luckily they’re not. I think they’re some kind of indigenous Pacific coast species, having seen them in the forest too. The planting of local species is supposed to be encouraged, but I have declared war on this particular plant!
I think you have hit on something important here, Cath. Hatred of dandelions may be one of the things that separates children from adults. I used to love dandelions when I was little. The brown spots that weird dandelion goo left on my hands and weaving all the flowers into elaborate and regal head dresses made for days and weeks of fun during summertime. Now the grown-up in me just thinks of the landscaping costs. It’s sad, really. Good luck with your dandelion eradication program… Although maybe you can leave just a couple, somewhere secluded and restricted when you just want to play? Maybe not.
Ah, dandelions. We had a day yesterday with the Boyfriend’s little sister, who is all of 6 yrs old. We were on the way to the park when she was ABSOLUTELY entranced by dandelions and daisies. She wanted to know why the daisies were all close together in a clump when the dandelions were all spread out all over. When we told her what the dandelion heads consist of and showed her that when she kicks one, it goes everywhere, she thought it the coolest thing ever. Almost didn’t make it to the park 🙂 Hanging out with a 6 yr old can make you squint and wonder how to explain science in a non-science way, but usually we give up and realize that she already knows all the planets (and that Pluto isn’t one) and that science doesn’t scare her like some kids. We’ll make this one a scientist yet 🙂
bq. Scarily, all the plants in the UK (and possibly all of W. Europe) are a single clone of a female plant.
That’s good news – biocontrol should be more effective, because a pathogen only needs to be virulent towards the one clone. Bananas have the same problem.
Cath – Of course you could use your dandelions as a food resource. All parts of the plant are edible although excessive consumption of the leaves in a salad is allegedly a diuretic (hence the French name for the plant of pis-en-lit). Here is a link to some recipes.
You could always try and make some dandelion and burdock, a quintissentially British drink, but there is no guarantee that your dandelion infestation is accompanied by one of burdock too.
Cath – tomatoes need as much water as you can throw at them. The problem, though, is not so much the volume of the water as its constancy. Watering the tomatoes assiduously and then leaving them for a few days to dry out will predispose the plants to fungal infestation and, if the plants are already fruiting, the fruits will split. Growing anything in a restricted container immediately sets up water stress – it’s hard to get the watering just right – which is why tomatoes tnd to do better (at least, I think so) in free-draining soil but mulched with a lot of water-retentive compost. Of course, there are lots of tomato varieties that are designed to live in pots on the patio, or even in hanging baskets, and if that’s all the space you have, they’re great.
Dandelions – believe it or not, you can grow a culinary variety, but as Brian says, if you can eat the wild ones, why bother? [thinks – is Japanese knotweed edible?]
One can make wine out of most ‘weeds’. Dandelion, elderflower/berry, nettles, blackberries (they make good pies too, of course)…
Japanese Knotweed – Know your enemy
Below is Philip Seibold, who introduced the plant to Britain
Animals can graze it, just not fast enough!
@Anna: leaving a couple in a corner somewhere will probably give me a couple of hundred within a few weeks! I’ve decided the only way to get rid of them is if everyone on the entire continent digs up every single one of them on the same day. Maybe I should start a campaign.
@Kyrsten: fun! My nephew used to love bug hunting and I’ve spent many a rainy day turning over logs with him in his granny’s garden. He’s a bit older now so he’s much less interested, but at least he knows why granny would rather he didn’t bring that termite inside!
@Bob: get working on that pathogen!
@Brian: I hate dandelion and burdock. It’s one of those drinks, like root beer, that reminds me of cough medicine. Why someone would drink it for fun is beyond me.
@Henry: I’m taking notes, believe me! It rained overnight so hopefully that helped. Thanks for all the advice!
@Richard: I’ve only ever had one good bottle of homebrew, and that was from someone who’d been doing it for years. I felt terrible in the morning though! I don’t think I’m brave enough to try and make a hangover inducer that will probably taste like cough medicine…
The key to gardening in containers is to provide them with enough water. During the summer that means watering every day. You also have to ensure that the soil chemistry is right, I always use soluble fertilizer with trace nutrients. Usually that is what I water with during the summer. If there is fertilizer in the water, the water demand of the plants is lower. But too much fertilizer brings on water stress too.
A common problem with tomatoes is not enough Ca. That shows up as blossom end rot. I use a fair amount of gypsum in the mix to ensure sufficient Ca.
I only had one problem with growing tomatoes in containers, one year it got cold too soon and they were not ripening. Fortunately I have a friend who uses ethylene in his lab, so I borrowed 0.5 L of ethylene, dosed the tomato plants with green fruit with it, and in a week they were ripe. I was very pleased that I was able to recover from my crop disaster.
This is all getting very complicated!! I will have to google blossom end rot and figure out where to get gypsum. I don’t think ethylene is an option – could I throw a couple of ripe bananas in among the tomatoes instead? It works on avocadoes in my fruit bowl…
I didn’t know about the calcium – I’ll try to remember that. However, I try to grow my tomatoes in well-rotted compost and water them with rainwater.
The ripe-banana trick does work, because bananas produce ethylene. When my tomatoes were being felled by rot, I’d pick the tomatoes while they were still green and ripen them at home. Another thing I did was pull up the entire plant, roots, fruit and all, and suspend it upside down in my garage. This produced ripe fruits until November!
Two more tomato-oriented essentials. First, in the growing season, you must pinch off all shoots browing in the axils between the main branches and the main stem. If you don’t do this you’ll have an impenetrable jungle and not much fruit.
Second, tomatoes need feeding as well as water. A mineral feed dissolved in the regular water will do (you can buy proprietary tomato feed). However, you mustn’t feed them until after the first truss of fruit has set. If you feed too early, you’ll get loads of leaves and not much fruit.
Well, I did say tomatoes were fussy…
OK, now my brain really hurts and I’m wondering if I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. I will require definitions of the following words:
axil
truss
set (in the context of fruit – does this mean appeared, or ripened?)
Aarrgghh!
Maybe I’ll just stick to courgettes. And fruit. The trees came with the house and are nicely mature and productive.
I don’t use compost at all. I use only soluble synthetic fertilizers. I use dolomitic limestone for the Mg. I never trim or prune my tomatoes, but they do seem to become somewhat jungle like.
I think you can use calcium carbide instead of ethylene. It makes acetylene on contact with water. I have never tried it. You only need to do that if the tomatoes are not ripening.
axil – the angle between the main stem and the shoot coming off it. The shape of an armpit. You’ll know it when you see it.
truss – tomatoes don’t grow randomly all over the plant, but in little groups called trusses.
set – in this context, when they appear (I think).
Courgettes – yup, dead easy. Same with outdoor cucumbers, pumpkins, squashes and all those creeping vine things. Plonk them in a bucket of compost, sit back and watch the action. They need watering, though.
Apples also give off copious amounts of ethylene gas, hence why you don’t usually put them in a fruit bowl with other things.
My mom’s grown tomatoes on the coast here for years, and it’s not that hard – her cherry tomatoes are so large that someone once mistook them for romas 😉
One other thing to note – are your tomatoes determinate or indeterminate? Indeterminate tomatoes require staking
One other thing to note – are your tomatoes determinate or indeterminate?
Crikey. I’ve never asked them.
I honestly had no idea tomatoes were so fussy! At least it explains last year’s failures. Thanks for all the advice and definitions etc. I’m not holding out too much hope given the current weather conditions… Maybe I’ll do what I did last year and trade some of our figs and plums over the fence with the neighbour who actually knows what she’s doing and grows great tomatoes.
Don’t give up, Cath! As the link in Kyrsten’s comment says, the reason we put up with it is that home-grown tomatoes taste so much better than the shop-bought ones, the taste only increased by the sense of achievement in having got them to that stage. Once you get into the routine (I almost wrote ‘the zone’) it’s a lot more straight forwar than the reams of advice of above would seem to indicate.
All this discussion makes me wonder how tomatoes could ever have survived in the wild.
Ah, well, that’s because the tomatoes we cultivate are rather different from the ones that grow in the wild. Tomatoes are native to South America and new species are being discovered even today. Tomatoes belong to the Solanaceae, a very successful and widespread family of plants that includes the potato, chili peppers and aubergines … as well as mandrakes and deadly
nightshirtsnightshade.By the way, dandelions have spawned a really interesting model for 22nd century publishing.
I never have problems growing cherry tomatoes. But then I don’t like them much. The stuff I want, dead easy like lettuce, gets chomped down by the slugs. Even the marigolds. So I stick to zinnias, snapdragons and roses, which for some reason are not fussy for me. Root plants. And arugula. But without the lettuce it’s a bit much.
(That means I’m a little pessimistic about free dissemination catching on in the 21st century. Also that I thought about it too hard and – once again – forgot what year we are in.)
@Heather: Slugs? Easy! Take a 500 ml container (that used to hold feta cheese or ricotta or yogurt – one of those), put the lid on, cut hole in the lid about 5 cm wide, and fill it with beer. Then bury the container so it’s about flush with the ground. Slugs love beer and they’ll happily drown themselves in it.
(and I’ve heard certain “CE marked” ladies do as well 🙂 )
@Krysten – thanks! I knew about the product but had no idea about the vehicle. I’ll definitely give it a shot. (Or a bottle.)
I sense a lot of trial and error in my future. And beer. Some for the slugs, and some for me!
Good news: your saviour is at hand.
@Kyrsten: beer containers are effective against slugs, but you’ll also kill ground beetles which are useful for controlling pests.
We have a fairly large organic garden, and we ‘eliminate’ slugs using nothing more than a pair of scissors.
@Raf: interesting! hadn’t thought about the ground beetles. To be honest, it’s rather rare to see them in the Northwestern part of North America – though I have seen some of the species in the garden.
@Cath: I’ve decided to take up some Darwinian gardening myself and started my herbs outside this year (covered, of course, in case of frost this late). I bet you that all I’ll have left in the lot will be Cilantro, but at least it’ll provoke me to go through my curry recipes.
@Bob: PLAGIARISM! Oh, er, I mean, great minds think alike. That sounds better, right?
@Raf: scissors? Sounds… gruesome. I think I’d rather drown in beer than be cut in half, but then I’m not a slug!
@Kyrsten: I planted basil, parsley, tarragon, oregano and thyme on Sunday. If anything grows I’ll trade you for your cilantro, which I completely forgot about! We’ve got some established mint and rosemary bushes too.
is there any other plant that has evolved to reproduce as successfully as the dandelion?
How about bindweed, brambles, forget-me-nots….etc
The list of successfully reproducing weeds is never ending…
I remember seeing time-lapse photography of brambles in David Attenborough’s series on plants. They looked… predatory would be a good description. But at least you can control them by tackling the brambles on your own property. The only solution to the dandelion problem would be to simultaneously destroy every single plant on the continent, and then destroy every single new plant arising from seeds that were airborne at the time before they mature.