No out-laws here!

(With apologies to Mermaid…)

Have I mentioned that my in-laws are awesome?

Mr E Man’s cousin and his family are visiting from England; they’ve stayed with us, with my mother-in-law (MIL), and with both of my sisters-in-law (SILs). They’re flying home today, so last night we had a huge family BBQ at SIL1’s place. Much hilarity ensued…

(Background: BIL1 just got engaged! Hilarious “New” Girlfriend is now Hilarious New Fiancee! (Sadly not present last night). We’re all very excited. BIL1 is also lead guitar in an awesome band, who played at our wedding*).

Me: BIL1! CONGRATULATIONS! (Big hug). We’re gonna put a band together and play at your wedding!”
MIL: “Oh, can you play?”
Me: “No. We’ll be awful. But it’ll be hilarious”.
BIL1: “Yeah… I’m gonna have to check with HNF”

(Background: BIL2 (not present last night) is a lawyer who works with the UN and affiliates. He’s worked on drafting the new constitution in Kosovo, overseeing the elections in Afghanistan, and reforming the court system in Vietnam. Last year he worked on the expat Iraqi vote in Toronto before moving again to work for the Alberta government in Edmonton. He was recently recruited for a six week posting by a former employer).

BIL1’s ex: “How’s BIL2?”
MIL: “Well, he’s OK. But I do worry about him. Did you know that he has to put on a helmet and body armour every morning to go to work?”
BIL1’s ex: “…”
BIL1’s ex: “In Edmonton?”
MIL: “No, Baghdad.”
BIL1’s ex: “Ohhhhhh. I didn’t think Alberta had gotten that bad.”

(Background: SIL1 and SIL2 are the best of friends, but have never quite put their sibling rivalry behind them).

SIL2: “I am the best Mum ever! The best wife, the best daughter, the best sister, best sister-in-law… right, Cath?”
SIL1: “HEY! I’m a better sister-in-law! Cath??!!”
Me: “You’re both equal. But HNF is the best.”

Wee girl: “Mummy Mummy Mummy! Stand up! I brought you a cushion!” (inserts something that looks like a kid’s life jacket under her Mum’s bum.)

Assorted adults: “Awwwwww!”

SIL1: “It’s so nice to have a little girl around for a change.”

SIL2: “I know. I want to keep her.”

(Four young boys come tearing around the corner, armed to the teeth with toy guns)

Wee boy: “SHE’S SITTING ON THE TARGET VEST! LET’S GET HER!”

(Wee girl’s Mum gets pelted with four foam darts.)

Wee girl: “Giggle”

(Background: the English cousins and both SILs took their kids up Grouse Mountain yesterday to see the grizzly bears and the lumberjack displays. The two bears – both males – humped each other for the entire time the group was up there).

SIL1: “I guess it’s like when two guys are in prison for long enough.”
SIL2: “Yeah, the tourists were all like ‘lets git back to Amurrrca, where we got guns and the bears aint no homos'”
SIL1: “I forget the bears’ names, what were they called again?”

SIL2: “Well, one of them’s Grinder,”

(name of second bear lost amid much laughter)

(Background: Oldest Nephew just turned 14, and was eating with the adults for the first time).

SIL2: “The kids are being so quiet!”

SIL1: “That’s because I bribed them with Smarties ice cream.”

ON: “There’s Smarties ice cream???!!!”

SIL1: “You can’t eat steak with the adults and still have Smarties ice cream with the kids. You have to make a choice, you can’t have the best of both worlds you know.”

Mr E Man: “But I want Smarties ice cream! MUM!!!!”

MIL: “Everyone should have Smarties ice cream.”