Best virus-infected email EVER

Received five minutes ago
Subject: “A report on radiation contamination of Canada”
Body of email: “On Internet forums there appeared messages of a powerful explosion at a Canada nuclear power station located in the suburbs of Ontario..”

“According to witnesses’ statements the explosion happened at about 3 pm on the 9th of September.
In particular, one resident of this town has made a call and had time to inform her relatives that connection in the town was being cut off in order not to let people phone somebody.
She insists that the explosion really took place at the nuclear power station, and that it was a really powerful one, and now the radiation cloud is moving. This information is being unofficially confirmed in public agents’ private conversations.
Besides, local residents place pictures of the explosion consequences and victims’ bodies in their blogs.
The photo’s attached to this email!
Send this email to your friends!”
Nah, I don’t think I’ll pass your “quarantined attachment” on to my friends. I’ll just post your ridiculous email on the internet for general mockery.
Starting with: where are “the suburbs of Ontario”? I didn’t know that provinces can have suburbs. Maybe no-one else did either, which is why no-one’s noticed that a large part of the country has been missing for over 24 hours…

About Cath@VWXYNot?

"one of the sillier science bloggers [...] I thought I should give a warning to the more staid members of the community." - Bob O'Hara, December 2010
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38 Responses to Best virus-infected email EVER

  1. Richard P. Grant says:

    …which begs the question of whether anyone would notice part of Canada is missing.
    runs away

  2. Cath Ennis says:

    You can run, but you can’t hide. I’ll send some of Vancouver’s orcs orcas down there to get you.
    Anyway. America would get cold without its hat.

  3. Cath Ennis says:

    Apparently, in 1993 the US Senate was concerned that someone had been setting off nuclear bombs in Austrialia without anyone noticing…

  4. Richard P. Grant says:

    No one could tell the difference between most of Australia and a nuclear wasteland anyway. At least, no one important.

  5. Eva Amsen says:

    “…which begs the question of whether anyone would notice part of Canada is missing.”
    No, it raises the question of whether anyone would n-HEY!!!

  6. Richard P. Grant says:

    no, I think it does beg. Cath had already raised it.

  7. Richard P. Grant says:

    Ooh. How did I miss the tyop in the first line of this psot?

  8. Cath Ennis says:

    ha! I’ve got so used to Firefox’s integrated spell checker that when I wrote this at work (IE6) I didn’t even think to check.
    Now fixed – on miPhone.

  9. Cath Ennis says:

    BTW I think Eva is right!

  10. Richard P. Grant says:

    I don’t.

  11. Cath Ennis says:

    Oi, ref! editor! Over here!

  12. Richard P. Grant says:

    How about an arm-wrestle to settle matters?

  13. Cath Ennis says:

    Do Eva and I get to combine our strength?

  14. Richard P. Grant says:

    ménage à trois?

  15. Cath Ennis says:


  16. Maxine Clarke says:

    No comment! (You’ll have to wait for Graham to wave one of his cards.)
    Back to the topic ;-), it is just as well they sent the message by email and not the Canadian postal service, or else the locals would have had to wait a few weeks to find out about this event.

  17. Richard P. Grant says:

    bq. No comment!
    First time for everything.
    ducks and runs

  18. Cath Ennis says:

    Yeah, the mail system here is bizarre. Airmail to the UK takes either 3 days or 3 weeks, rarely any intermediate length of time. And things get from Vancouver to Toronto faster than they get a hundred miles up the coast…

  19. Maxine Clarke says:

    Richard, I pick my battles!

  20. Richard P. Grant says:

    Now I’m worried, Maxine.

  21. Maxine Clarke says:

    Be afraid, be really afraid.
    At the same time, be careful out there.

  22. Richard P. Grant says:

    Stop it Maxine.
    You’re scaring me.

  23. Maxine Clarke says:

    Sorry! The battles I pick aren’t with you, Richard, or anyone else on Nature Network.

  24. Maxine Clarke says:

    I am now (honestly) off to post a parcel to Canada. I’m setting the time clock.

  25. Richard P. Grant says:

    Heh. Dashboard has a load of World clocks, but where the hell is Canada anyway?

  26. Cath Ennis says:

    It’s not there any more, it got blown up last week, remember?

  27. Richard P. Grant says:

    oh that’s right. And nobody noticed.

  28. Eva Amsen says:

    (This is me catching up on Nature Network) “Let’s see what people have said in comment threads I recently commented in…” clicketyclick click scroll “…ménage à trois?… I see, it’s just another day on the internet.”

  29. Cath Ennis says:

    Eva, you owe me a fresh cup of tea. The last one got snorted onto my keyboard.
    nobody noticed
    the dashboard people apparently did. I bet they miss us. And, and, just you wait for the great maple syrup shortage of 2009. And where else are you gonna put the 2010 Winter Olympics?

  30. Richard P. Grant says:

    bq. And where else are you gonna put the 2010 Winter Olympics?
    Don’t tempt me.
    Canadians are such nice people, aren’t they?

  31. Cath Ennis says:

    Just because we reject your, um, invitations doesn’t mean we’re not nice.

  32. Cath Ennis says:

    Thank goodness someone at Nature realises that Canada not only exists, but is having a rather important election soon…

  33. Richard Wintle says:

    I am finding it rather difficult to believe that I missed this entire discussion.
    Most of the suburban parts of Ontario that I live in are still extant, although I confess our federal government pretty much isn’t. But, as everyone’s said, nobody will notice.
    *back to reading more current things

  34. Cath Ennis says:

    Richard, it is quite possible that you are suffering from amnesia brought on by post traumatic stress disorder, and have in fact been wandering around in a daze with your hair on fire for the last few months.
    Look out of the window. Do you see any of the following?

    smoking craters
    dead fish washed up on river banks
    government agents in radiation suits

    cockroaches with two heads

    If so, you may wish to seek medical help.

    Suburban Ontario, last autumn. Allegedly.

  35. Eva Amsen says:

    Hahaha! I forgot about this thread!
    (I still think I’m right about the grammar issue, though.)

  36. Cath Ennis says:

    Me too. Damn that Richard Grant, distracting us from our pedantry!

  37. Richard Wintle says:

    Cath – email me and I’ll send you my recipe for dead fish with two-headed cockroaches, lovingly poached in a still-steaming crater.
    Southern Ontario ain’t what it used to be, although I hear that the federal government is still somewhat functional, which is sort of a relief I guess.

  38. Cath Ennis says:

    I don’t find that very reassuring, personally

Comments are closed.