OK, so you ruined Christmas Day. Rather than eating delicious turkey and socialising with the neighbours, I spent the day alternating between throwing up and shivering under a duvet with a hot water bottle.
“Hmm, that must be the same thing his kid had a few days ago. Infectious, then. Oh bloody hell, it’s my old friend Mr Norovirus. Let me see, person with highly infectious virus throwing up repeatedly in our one and only bathroom. Aerosols, all surfaces will be infected… oh, and I bet that’s the same noise that woke me up half an hour ago, so I was in there immediately after him without realising. I washed my hands, but then I used the towel and touched the door handle. 24-48 hour incubation period, hmm, it’s my birthday on Monday, I guess I’ll be spending that the same way as Christmas. Oh, fuck, citizenship test on Tuesday, if I miss that it’ll set me back by months. And even if by some miracle I’m not already infected, he’ll still be infectious for at least another three or four days… which, if I’m not careful, would see me getting sick on Saturday, big birthday dinner… this is gonna SUCK.”
- I boiled my toothbrush for 10 minutes before using it. And I brushed my teeth in the kitchen for a whole week.
- I threw out my contact lenses a few days early, and switched to a new case when I opened the new pair of lenses.
- I’ve washed my hands so often and so well, my skin is cracked and painful despite all the lotion.
- I abandoned all environmental principles and bought some bleach spray. I’ve sprayed it on all hard surfaces in the bathroom at regular intervals for a week.