Don’t panic!

After starting to recover from this week’s shenanigans, I spotted this sign on the BBC website and I knew what I had to do.

Yup, it was promptly printed, cropped, and stuck on my wall, next to my calendar. I hope it works.

I still don’t have the final files for Very Important Submission, by the way.

Posted in career, silliness | 7 Comments

Scientist in “I am not omniscient” claim shock

(Why, yes, I do get most of my news headlines from the BBC website. Why do you ask?)
Returning to my building just now with my healthy balanced lunch1 in hand, I was stopped in the street by a younger woman who I assume was a student. I really need to stop wearing my work ID badge while out of my department2, because apparently to some people the tell-tale purple lanyard represents The Source Of All Knowledge.
Student: “Excuse me, do you know where the seminar is?”
Me: “No. I mean, which seminar?”
Student: “It got moved forward half an hour and I can’t find it.”
Me: “Who’s speaking?” (thinking that this might narrow down the possible venues according to their size).
Student: “I don’t know, it’s about genetics… epi, epigenetics… something like that.”
Me: “Sorry, no idea. There are like twenty seminar rooms in these two buildings.”
Student: “……..oh.” (Walks off looking peeved with my failure to help).
I could say something about the perception of scientists by my parents my friends the general public. Or about the expectation that I will be able to converse at length about Uncle Joe’s diabetes, or whether I think Pluto should be a planet.
But I think I’ll just enjoy my cookie instead.
fn1.teeny salad, cranberry juice, crisps and a cookie
fn2.other reasons being patients in the clinical building thinking I am the other kind of Doctor, and bus drivers confusing me by saying “good morning, Catherine” as I validate my ticket. On the other hand it does get me a 5% discount at a local beer and wine store.
(I don’t know why one footnote tag is working, but not the other. Oh well, you know what I mean).

Posted in Uncategorized | 17 Comments

Every breath you take

PhizzleDizzle, tragic Nickleback fan extraordinaire, tagged me for this meme.

RULES:

a) Put your MP3 player, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle
b) For each question (capitalised), press the next button to get your answer.
c) YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
d) Tag at least 5 people
e) Everyone tagged has to do the same thing (no they don’t, actually)
f) Have Fun! (Step f is not required)

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
“I know what I know” (Paul Simon)
I certainly do

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
“Señor Matanza” (Mano Negra)
Erm…

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
“Jenny was a friend of mine” (The Killers)
So I guess I like… my ex-friend Jenny?

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
“Mean Mr. Mustard” (The Beatles)
Ewww, but he’s a pervert

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
“Bar Italia” (Pulp)
So… to buy coffees for hungover people in Soho?

6. WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
“The new pollution” (Beck)
I didn’t say it was a very good motto

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
“Be somebody” (Kings of Leon)
That’s not very nice of them, eh? Don’t they know I already am somebody?

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
“Old-fashioned love” (Dick Hyman Group feat. Howard Alden)
Icky

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
“Little acorns” (The White Stripes)
Be like the squirrel! Be like the squirrel! Mwa ha ha ha, I’m quite mad you know

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
“Until the lion learns to speak” (K’naan)
…I will not answer that question on his behalf

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
“Let it be” (The Beatles)
My BFF is way more grown-up and sorted than I am, so, yeah, if it ain’t broke…

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
“A Wrong Turn” (Les Finnigan, local guitarist)
I sincerely hope not!

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
“Uncle Jonny” (The Killers)
no no no NO. I don’t even have an Uncle Jonny, but this is just wrong.

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
“Heard ’em say” (Kanye West feat. Adam Levine)
Actually he probably thinks “heard her say… and say… and say… does she ever shut up?”

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
“Fake plastic trees” (Radiohead)
We didn’t, actually, although I really like the song

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
“The touch of your lips” (Chet Baker)
Ewwww, again

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
“Help the aged” (Pulp)
LOL I have totally been thinking about finding a local senior centre or something to volunteer at. Seriously. I like old people, they have the best stories.

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
“Paranoid android” (Kirsty Rock cover of the Radiohead song)
Aaaarrrrrgggghhhh Marvin, noooooooooooooo! Put the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster down!

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
“Pull this blanket off” (The Raconteurs)
I swear I am not really a pervert

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
“The love song” (K-OS)
Oh my

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
“Verbal anime” (The Herbaliser feat. Rakaa Iriscience)
I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean

22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
“Every breath you take” (The Police)
The anthem of stalkers everywhere

I tag: anyone who has any of these songs on their iPod (or equivalent).

Posted in meme, music, silliness | 12 Comments

Cath’s Nine Stages of Fucking Up at Work

This is a faithful and accurate account of my internal monologue during the last 24 hours or so. It contains lots of foul language. All of it is justified.

1) Pride (as in, before a fall)

Tra la la, my boss has gone away and left me in charge of Very Important Submission. I am soooo important.

I don’t have all the files yet, but I can upload what I do have and make sure it looks OK.

That’s weird. Why is Massive Sciencey Organisation’s website saying “Thank you for your submission?” I hadn’t finished, why would it think I’d submitted?

2) Shock

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Ohmygod what have I done? And how does the back of my neck get so hot, so quickly, when I realise I’ve fucked something up?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

3) Denial

Quick, hurry, quick quick, click on the other open tab in my browser. Ooooooh, look, Google Reader! Maybe if I read a blog post or two, the scary message in the other tab will go away.

Sign Win!” – heh heh, that’s pretty damn funny.

OK, let’s check to see if that worked.

4) Shock

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

And ohmygod, it’s sent a submission receipt message to my boss. I’m gonna have to email him and tell him what I did.

I seriously think I might vomit.

Noooooooooooooooooooooo and one more FUCK

5) Bargaining

OK. I’m going to email the help desk (after regular office hours, so no calling) and explain. Hopefully they can reset the application. I’ll also email my boss. If I accept full responsibility*, apologise, and grovel, then he can’t fire me.

Right?

And if I go home and make a lovely dinner for my husband and his friend, then I’ll forget all about it and have a good night’s sleep.

Right?

Right.

6) Shock

Tra la la, it’s a bright and sunny morning, everything will be OK, especially if I have some caffeine to offset the lack of sleep. Better check my email first though, to see if the help desk people have replied.

OHMYFUCKINGGOD THEY CAN’T RESET IT.

7) Chocolate

Quick, escape to the friendly local coffee shop; I need some anti-stress therapy in the traditional Trauma Cookie format. Oh, but look, a bar of organic, fair trade, chili & spice chocolate from Cocoa Camino, right next to the till. Mmmmmmmmmmm, ethilicious.

8) Bargaining

OK, we have an email from Massive Sciencey Organisation, saying that our submission is incomplete.

Thank you, I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise.

If I return the email, grovel, apologise, and stress that the mistake was not the fault of any of the scientists named on the project, all will be well.

Right?

9) Acceptance

They say we can start our submission again from scratch. No long-term harm done – I hope.

BTW I still don’t have all the required files, so I am no longer the one who is holding up the submission. No, I am a completely innocent party, my friends.

Maybe there’s still some denial going on.

Maybe more chocolate might help.

Hey, maybe this would make a good blog post.

————————–
*the online submission system may have contributed. Possibly. Don’t quote me on that, though.

Posted in career, personal | 32 Comments

Cath’s shoe of the week

You can keep your Randy Macaques or whatever they’re called, this was the only shoe (or shoe combo, really) for me today:

My trusty 11 year-old leather hiking boots, and rented snow shoes. Stylin’.

In addition, you can keep your sodding Superbowl, this is the best way to spend a snowy afternoon in Vancouver:

My two lovely friends enjoying similarly awesome footwear at Cypress Mountain while our husbands watched the game, the poor sad fools.
Posted in photos, snow, Vancouver | 20 Comments

The Five Question Interview

Crystal from “Chances Are I’m Going To Hell For This” was recently interviewed by her friend – and posted the results on her blog. She also chose to perpetuate the meme by asking for willing interview victims subjects in the comments, and I obliged, because I’m egocentric like that. So here are my answers to Crystal’s five questions!

1. What/ who influenced you to go in to science?

Good question… I’ve often thought that I was just plain destined to get into science, because it matches my personality and thinking patterns so well. But there were lots of people who helped me to discover this compatibility.

I got interested in biology through loving cute animals, so I would have to cite James Herriot and David Attenborough for sparking that interest. And of course I have to thank my Mum, who watched all the wildlife documentaries with me, and successfully argued with my Dad that we should get a cat.

As my knowledge of biology matured, I became interested in smaller and smaller units of life – from cute lion cubs down to organs, then cells, then finally viruses and genes. I had an amazing biology teacher by the name of Ann(e) La(w/u)rence (sorry Miss, can’t remember the spelling!) from the age of 14-18 – I’ve actually been planning a series of posts about great teachers, and you can bet she’ll be in there – who was incredibly animated and enthusiastic about her subject, but especially about genetics and evolution. And once she taught us those things, I stopped searching for smaller and smaller things to investigate, turned 90 degrees, and headed off into an in-depth exploration of genetics. I guess if she hadn’t intervened, I might have continued on to chemistry and then subatomic particle physics…

2. What would you do/be (besides science) if money were not important?

I’d be living on a sailboat (summer) and little rustic cabin (winter), travelling around the BC coast and writing a book.

3. How did you know your hubby was “the one”?

(Super-lameness alert).

When we first met, I was halfway through a two-year postdoc / work permit. So when I met this hunky Canadian carpenter at a big group dinner one night, I didn’t automatically think “long-term relationship”, let alone “future husband”. But I really enjoyed talking to him, and when he gave me his number, I was more than happy to call him up (after the obligatory two day wait, of course) to arrange a date.

Still not thinking any further ahead than a month or so at a time, we started to see more and more of each other, and the more I got to know him, the more I liked him. The first time I knew we had something really special was on our first overnight kayak camping trip, about five months into our relationship. We went skinny dipping at midnight (yes, in the sea, in Canada, in May – just about worth it for the awesome phosphorescence) and then snuggled around a campfire on the beach.

But the first time I knew he was “the one”? We were hanging out in my shared house on a rainy Saturday afternoon, playing cribbage. He said something that made me laugh – and it kills me that I can’t remember what it was – and I just suddenly realised that I wanted to spend all my rainy Saturday afternoons with him, and that I would be delighted to find myself playing cribbage and listening to his silly banter when we’re both in our eighties.

I told you it was lame.

4. Are you planning on having kids anytime in the future?

Nope.

As discussed before, I have multiple reasons for this choice, the primary reason being that I just innately and emphatically know that it isn’t for me.

Plans can change… but I am at least 95% sure that if you come and find me in 10 years, I still won’t have any kids.

I’m VERY excited though that two close Vancouver friends are pregnant (after years each of trying, they’ll be giving birth two weeks apart – wonder what was in the water that month). I’ve already told them both that I want to be a very active and involved Auntie.

Kids are awesome – as long as you can give them back.

(On my research retreat last week, I had four female colleagues (aged 30s – 50s) separately ask me the same question. When I gave my answer, all but one said “oh, you really should, you know”. So the next time someone tells me that they have kids, I want to say “oh, you really shouldn’t have done that, you know”).

5. What is the most embarrassing drunk thing you have ever done?

OK, this is pretty shameful. One drunken night in my shared student flat in Glasgow, my flatmate and I somehow got into a discussion about the Seven Deadly Sins. Except that we weren’t sure what they were. Her version (from her Catholic school education in Ireland) was different to my version (from the movie Se7en, heh), and we had no Bible, encyclopedia or internet to hand.

So… we went to the phone book and got the number for a local convent. Because we were drunk and the answer just simply COULD NOT WAIT, we ignored the fact that nuns are mostly in bed well before 11 pm, and called the number anyway. (When I say we, I mean that I dialled, but she encouraged me and assured me that the nuns wouldn’t mind).

Me: “Oh hello, I was just wondering if you could tell me what the Seven Deadly Sins are?”
Nun: “………………………..no.” (click).

We looked the answer up on our other flatmate’s computer the next day. My version was right.

Now it’s your turn! Do you want to be interviewed?

If you do – here are the rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me” AND leave your email address (or blog link) in the comment!
2. I will respond by emailing you (or commenting on your blog with) five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. (If you don’t have a blog, I can post your answers here).
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Posted in blog buddies, camping, drunkenness, education, embarrassing fan girl, family, kayaking, meme, nature, personal, science | 21 Comments

I sometimes wish

that my career aspirations hadn’t changed so much since I was eight.
I suppose it’s possible that in a parallel universe somewhere, I have managed to publish a paper with a title as awesome as the one I just spotted in PLoS ONE:

Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Press release approval system FAIL

The email idiocy continues…
For reasons relating to an announcement about a joint California-Canada cancer stem cell funding initiative, I subscribe to all email lists at the California Institute of Regenerative Medicine.
Every mailing list will inevitably result in a mix of useful and useless emails, but today’s message was more useless than most:

Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Retreat Part II: Welcome to America!

Miraculously enough, the morning after the night before dawned bright and hangover free. I was still unprepared for discussing my project with colleagues over breakfast though. Talking shop over coffee, lunch, dinner or drinks is perfectly acceptable, but brainstorming over a crab cake bennie and a pot of (bloody awful) tea just seems plain wrong.
Luckily for me, Mr E Man was on his way! He missed the 7 am ferry by ten minutes, but caught the next one, and picked me up from my picturesque (if chilly) hiding reading spot on the resort’s boat dock.
———————
(Aside: when I first met Mr E Man, I was struck by how well connected he is. He seems to know someone everywhere we go, and has scored us everything from free Dairy Queen treats to half-price posh hotel rooms in San Francisco and an annual free ski lesson. I, on the other hand, brought only grad students and postdocs to our combined network. But a couple of weeks ago, at an after-work pub session, I realised that I, too, have become One Of Those People. Y’know, the people who say “oh you’re going to [resort]? My brother-in-law is deputy director of the ski school there, gets me free lessons. Let me know when you’re going up there and I’ll see what he can do for you”. Or “your hard drive crashed? My friend runs a data recovery business, here’s his card”. Or “your roof’s leaking? Here’s my (other) brother-in-law’s phone number”.

Or, in this case, “our friend’s step-mum is a property rentals manager for a bunch of holiday home owners in Sooke, let’s call her up and see if we can get a good deal on a last-minute booking”.
When I say “our” friend, I obviously mean Mr E Man’s BFF).
———————
So off we went to Sooke, on Vancouver Island’s Southernmost tip.

As you can see on this map, the border does a weird little blip around these parts in order to incorporate the whole of the Island into Canadian territory. If I’d been reading my citizenship test preparation materials like a good girl, I might be able to tell you whether this act of border manipulation was negotiated peacefully or not. Either way, upon arrival in Sooke my phone sang me its happy little text message song, and I found a “Welcome to America!” message from a US cell phone network, which I thought was a bit presumptuous.

But it didn’t matter, because we were in heaven. We had a beautiful little cottage overlooking the water, with a hot tub on the deck. The upstairs bedroom was smaller than the master suite downstairs, but we slept there anyway on account of the two-countries-for-the-price-of-one view towards Washington’s Olympic Peninsula.

Hello Obamaland! The beach and the trees are Canadian, the mountains are American. Britannia rules the waves, but only in a general sense.

This prompted me to ask whether seeing America from my house meant that I could be Deputy Prime Minister, and Mr E Man to point out that no such position exists. I really do need to read that citizenship test stuff.

I do like Vancouver Island. We walked on the beach, saw a seal and loads of eagles (but no whales unfortunately), soaked in the South facing hot tub, had a nap, played Scrabble (a rare win for me!), tried some local beer in a redneck bar followed by a lovely dinner in an old (by local standards) and allegedly haunted pub, and finished the day with some chocolate brownies and more local beer in the hot tub. It was interesting though that I didn’t have my usual reaction to small town BC – almost every time we visit my mother-in-law on the Sunshine Coast, I get the urge to drop everything, leave the city, and buy a wee place by the water. Not so this time – perhaps it was the chill in the air and the early sunset, despite our attempts to pretend that it wasn’t actually winter.

No trip to the Island is really complete without a ferry ride. In an unprecedented move the following day, we arrived at the terminal five minutes before the ferry was due to leave – and got on. Fortified by some hot mint tea and BC Ferries’ excellent chips and gravy, we spent most of the trip on deck, continuing our “it’s actually summer” delusion.

Very cold and windswept seagull catching a free ride at the back of the ferry

I didn’t see any whales this time, but the narrowest point on the route contained several seals and a variety of bird life, no doubt feasting on an abundant supply of fish. Duly inspired, we headed home for an evening of chores… and sushi.

Have I ever mentioned that I really enjoy living in Vancouver?

Posted in Canada, career, drunkenness, food glorious food, nature, photos, silliness | 19 Comments

Shipwrecked and Comatose

I am in retro geek heaven!
The BBC website tells me that Red Dwarf is returning for a two-part special over Easter.
Red Dwarf was the only programme that I absolutely HAD to watch (or video) every week. The neighbours’ kids probably have all kinds of traumatic memories of their babysitter yelling at them to turn off the cartoons NOW so she could tune in. My geekier friends and I spent much of our early teenage years discussing the relative merits of the episodes set on the Red Dwarf itself as opposed to the Starbug, and of the male versus the female Holly (I preferred the former in both cases, by the way). Not to mention the Emohawk and the Vindaloo Monster. I read the novels, I bought the videos, I watched (and taped) the BBC “making of” and outtakes specials.
Red Dwarf was also my gateway drug into the world of Douglas Adams, and for that I am eternally grateful.
I do hope that the new episodes are immediately available for fully authorised and legal purchase on the internet.

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments