The trouble with Wyndham

I have a shelf in a bookcase in a bedroom in Yorkshire. It’s labelled “to take to Canada”, and is still stacked with a large number of my favourite books. Every time my parents are getting ready to visit, they ask which ones I’d like this time, and then they stuff as many books as they can into their luggage. This time, I asked for my John Wyndham books.
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I love re-reading old favourites. There are some books I’ve read as many as ten times. (I’m the same way with films – it drives my husband crazy). But when deciding which old friend to revisit first, I went with the one I’d read the fewest times – The Midwich Cuckoos.
I imagine that many of my readers are already familiar with this book (also filmed as Village of the Damned); briefly, a sleepy village in the English countryside falls into a day-long sleep, during which every woman of child-bearing age is impregnated. The children develop into identical beings with golden eyes and telepathic abilities, and the villagers (and the government) have to decide how to deal with the invaders.
It’s a cracking story, brilliantly told by John Wyndham. But having not read this book since I was a teenager, there were a few moments that hit me like being slapped in the face with a wet fish. For example:
On a young woman, “scarcely more than a schoolgirl”, seen carrying her newborn baby through the village:

‘Nevertheless, the fact remains that, however the girl takes it, she has been robbed. She has been swept suddenly from childhood into womanhood. I find that saddening. No chance to stretch her wings. She has to miss the age of true poetry’.
‘One would like to agree – but, in point of face, I doubt it,’ said Mr Leebody [the vicar]. ‘Not only are poets, active or passive, rather rare, but it suits more temperaments than our times like to pretend to go straight from dolls to babies’.

On the first reports of the babies’ unusual talents, from their mothers:

‘If,’ said Doctor Willers, heavily, ‘if we take all old wives’ – or young wives’ – tales at face value; if we remember that the majority of feminine tasks are deadly dull, and leave the mind so empty that the most trifling seed that falls there can grow into a riotous tangle, we shall not be surprised by an outlook on life which has the disproportion and the illogical inconsequence of a nightmare, where values are symbolic rather than literal.’

I suppose this kind of language is to be expected of a book first published in 1957, especially when the plot revolves around the subject of pregnancy and motherhood. And I suspect that Wyndham was actually relatively ahead of his time; the main character’s wife is, like the significant others of the main characters in Kraken and Triffids, very sensible and intelligent, if rather two dimensional. And there is this (emphasis mine):

‘It is difficult to appreciate how a woman sees these matters: all I can say is that if I were to be called upon, even in the most propitious circumstances, to bring forth life, the prospect would awe me considerably: had I any reason to suspect that it might be some unexpected form of life, I should probably go quite mad. Most women wouldn’t, of course; they are mentally tougher, but some might, so a convincing dismissal of the possibility will be best’.

However, this context only makes the outdated language slightly easier for a modern woman to read. It’s like listening to a beautiful piece of music, played by an otherwise competent musician who consistently fluffs one note.
I don’t want to deny myself the pleasure of reading great stories by great writers, just because of some outdated ideas and language. But I need more practice at the mental trick I had to employ in order to truly enjoy The Midwich Cuckoos – a state of voluntary cognitive dissonance designed to tune out that one bum note the musician keeps playing.

Posted in book review | 20 Comments

Rib tickler

I like food.

And drinks.

I like to try lots of different stuff. I’m reasonably adventurous. But I also like to make sure that when I order a meal in a restaurant, I’m going to enjoy it*.

The obvious solution is to order something “safe”, but also try a little taste of whatever Mr E Man orders. Just a leeettle sip of his drink; just a leeettle bite of his food.

He calls this “tithing”, or more accurately “fucking tithing” (even though I take much less than 10%), and complains good naturedly every time I do it (even though I always give him a taste of my food and drink in return).

We had a very rare week-night dinner out last night, at a new place near our house. Mr E Man is on a mission to find the best ribs in Vancouver**, so when he heard that they had a rack of baby back ribs on special, that’s what he chose. I opted for the halibut, and switched my beer order from the lager to the IPA after tasting a leettle bit of Mr E Man’s pint (thereby proving the usefulness of tithing).

My fish was pretty good, so I cut off a chunk and transferred it to Mr E Man’s plate. He ate it, but didn’t reciprocate the gift until I reminded him about tithing.

Mr E Man: [dirty look]

Me: “Oh come on, I just want that little one from the end”

Mr E Man: “Every time!”

Me: “It’s tradition. Women have been stealing men’s ribs ever since the Garden of Eden”

Mr E Man: “But you don’t even believe that, even though it’s totally true and you can’t prove any different!”

Me: “Yes I can! If women were made from a man’s rib, they’d have Y chromosomes!”

Mr E Man, eating a rib: “Mmmmmmmm, tasty chromosomes. You can’t have any”

I got my way in the end, of course. I thought the ribs were pretty tasty, but Mr E Man was disappointed. He says he’s going to stop ordering ribs in new places, because his standards are too high and burgers are a better way to judge the overall quality of the restaurant. In future, he will only move on to try the ribs in places that pass the burger test.

We all have our little foibles; tithing (and scientific pedantry in the face of inaccurate religious mythology) isn’t too much for him to live with, right, guys?

Right?

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*I’m actually really, really good at this. My Dad isn’t; he’ll order the most exotic sounding thing on any given menu, then complain when he doesn’t like it. But with the exception of times when the general quality of the restaurant’s food just isn’t up to scratch, I very rarely end up with something I don’t like.

**Current leader: Mr E Man’s BFF. Current leading restaurant: Ouisi’s.

Posted in atheism, drunkenness, food glorious food, personal, science, silliness | 13 Comments

Beeb Boob

Oh dear, BBC. Oh dear.

(Thought I’d better get this up before someone notices and corrects the images!)

Posted in photos, silliness, sport, the media | 9 Comments

World Cup Pool 2010!!11!1!!!!!!!!!

The world cup has really crept up on me this year – I can’t believe that it starts on Friday, with England’s first game on Saturday!

With some prompting by Massimo* (is he a glutton for punishment or what?!), I have set up a bloggers’ pool. In case anyone needs reminding, the last one was more fun than a barrel of monkeys, and prior knowledge of the game was not predictive of success or enjoyment! So even if you’ve never watched a game in your life, sign up and join in the fun! 

I’ll post updates and graphs after each stage of the tournament, for the purpose of public humiliation of Massimo whoever happens to be in last place. No prizes other than bragging rights – but oh! The bragging rights are sweet!

To join, go to http://www.myofficepool.ca/world_cup/?o=1

After you’ve registered and entered your picks (the teams that you think will survive the first round), join the group VWXYNot? , using the password trashtalk2010. Email me (vwxynot at gmail) if you run into any problems.

The official FIFA world rankings are here in case you need them!

Good luck!

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*Who also kindly tested the pool for me to make sure that people can join without being sent a personal invitation by email. Thanks Massimo!

Posted in world cup pool 2010 | 20 Comments

I am not cut out for a tech support career

This morning, before work:
Dad: “Do you have [cousin’s] email address? I just got an email about cheap train fares that I want to forward to her”
Me: “It’s in my Gmail. I don’t know it off by heart, because I just use the auto-complete function. Your programme might have the same feature”
Dad: “How do I find out?”
Me: “Well, you just start typing her na-
Mum, cutting in: “Didn’t you email her last week? It should still be in your sent messages folder”
Dad: “Oh, good idea. Do you have a pen and paper, Catherine?”
Me: “Why do you need that?”
Dad: “So I can write down her email address (“you idiot” implied but not stated). I know that it’s one of those long ones and I won’t remember all of it when I start typing it in”
Me: “Just copy and paste”
Dad: “…”
Me: “Here, I’ll show you”
Dad: “No, it’s OK, I’ve got it on the screen now. I’ll just write it down”
[pause for writing email addresses in]
Dad, typing: “Oh! I started to type her name and the full address came up! This Mac of yours is very good, I might get one”
Oh well, at least it made leaving for my dentist appointment seem like a more attractive proposition than it might have done otherwise.
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For no particular reason, here’s a picture that freaked me out. Happy weekend everyone!
funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Posted in silliness, the wonders of technology | 8 Comments

I suppose it all depends on your concept of “fun”

garbage
I preferred the Olympics, meself.

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

Captions Please…

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you: Our Glorious Leader On The World Stage.

AKA LOLHarper.

In order of increasing LOLs:

stephen harper and barack obama
see more Political Pictures

 (Source, and why it’s funny, in case you’re not familiar with the British meanings of certain gestures)

I love this one. I may never get tired of laughing at it.
Posted in Canada, photos, politics, silliness | 10 Comments

Birthday greetings, bottle of wine

My Dad turns 64 today!

Instead of “Happy Birthday To You”, we’re going to sing this in the restaurant tonight:

My Dad said last night that 64 seemed impossibly old when he first heard this song!

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Posted in family, music, video | 9 Comments

Land of my four bears

As you may remember from an old post, since I moved to Canada in 2002 I’ve spent much, much more time worrying about bears than actually encountering them. In fact, I’d only ever seen one bear in the wild…

…until Wednesday.

My Mum spotted the first bear. It was ambling through a field, on the edge of the forest and parallel to the highway, just North of Pemberton. Mr E Man thought it was a male, based on its size – and it was indeed a fine, fat, glossy, jet black specimen of beariness. We slowed down as much as the highway traffic would allow, and oohed and aahed with excitement. I was delighted to double my bear count, especially as we’d seen it from such a position of safety.

After a lovely lunch in Pemby, we proceeded South to the condo we’d rented in Whistler. Mr E Man and I have stayed at the same place a number of times – it belongs to a good friend’s client, who gives our friend a preferred rate – but only during the ski season, when all the bears are (supposed to be) hibernating. The property is North of Whistler Village, and while there are new homes going up all around it, it’s on the very edge of the forest and still has some untouched patches of trees immediately behind it. We often see rabbits and hares in the garden, but given the comforting presence of lots of other houses, I’d somewhat naively never thought it was wild enough that I had to worry about bears. In fact I’ve even walked my friend’s dog – off-leash – on the road right behind the property, without a care in the world.

I won’t ever be doing that again, though. Because at around 7 pm on Wednesday, after the construction crews had packed up for the day and gone home, I was sitting in the hot tub in the back garden, chatting to Mr E Man, and suddenly saw what I’d thought was a log covered in moss or lichen, situated right in the middle of the small stand of trees about 75 metres away, start… moving. 

My reaction was very cool, calm, and collected.

“BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, I yelled.

Mr E Man didn’t believe me at first, given my track record of false alarms when it comes to bear panic, but then he was forced to agree that the mossy log was indeed moving around. And had ears. And eyes. That were looking right at us.

Now, there was a construction company fence between us and the bear. But the gate in the fence, in the middle of the road that runs right by the back of the garden, was wide open. I didn’t feel immediately threatened though; the bear seemed only mildly interested in us, so after alerting my parents (watching BBC World News upstairs) to the bear’s presence, I came back down to the hot tub. My parents followed, bringing their binoculars, and we quickly realised that the bear was actually one of three. They were all of the species known as the black bear, but they were all different colour variants – the mother was a rich chocolate brown, with one jet black and one “cinnamon” cub. The latter was the one we’d seen first, and both cubs looked to be yearlings, in great condition. When they started to wander a little closer, we all retreated to the balcony upstairs that overlooks the back of the condo, and enjoyed almost a full hour (in the rain) of watching the bears eat plants, climb trees, scratch their backs (and arses) on trees a la Baloo from the Jungle Book (I instantly got “The Bear Necessities” stuck in my head), and generally get on with their daily lives with hardly a glance at the gaggle of humans chattering away about them just 30 metres away.

It was awesome, in the original sense of the word. What a privilege to watch three such beautiful animals, in the wild but from a position of complete safety. We all had massive grins on our faces for hours after they finally wandered back into the forest.

My camera batteries had died the day before and I’d forgotten my charger (D’OH!!!), and my parents don’t have their photo uploading cord with them, so these photos are from my iPhone. No zoom, remember… these guys were close! At one point they were right in the middle of the road, but by that point I’d given up on taking photos and was just enjoying the show. Besides, my phone was getting wet.

Momma bear. The yellow fence at the bottom of the photo is right at the edge of the condo’s back garden


Two cubs

The watchers – from left to right, one chocolate brown, one (ex) cinammon, and one (rapidly becoming ex) jet black colour variant

Over dinner I admitted to feeling sorry for the first bear we’d seen, from the car, a few hours before – I just wasn’t all that excited about him any more. My Mum replied that she felt sorry for the handsome white-legged snowshoe hare that had hopped into the garden while we were all oohing and aahing at the bears from beside the hot tub – on any other day, he would have been the star attraction, but we barely gave him a glance! It’s good to know that guilt and anthropomorphism run in the family…

We looked for the bears again the next evening, but it was to be a one-off performance. But what a perfomance!

Bloody typical though, really. You wait six years for the next bear, then four come along at once…

Posted in Canada, family, nature, photos | 5 Comments

Dream trippin’

When we bought our house (four years ago today!), one of the best things that Mr E Man and I did was to invest in a really good bed. We’d been sleeping on a queen-size futon, and although it was a good fit for our small rented apartment, we decided that our larger space and newly-acquired grown-up status were worthy of a better place to lay our heads. So we found a beautiful cherry-wood bedroom furniture set on Craigslist, including a king-size sleigh bed frame, and bought the best mattress we could afford to go with it. Memory foam pillows and a lovely heavy duvet complete the set, and we both now (usually) sleep better than we ever have before in our adult lives. We like to cuddle up when we first go to bed, and again when we wake up, but we separate to sleep – and in our lovely lovely bed, there’s plenty of space for us both to move around and get comfy without ever touching each other!

The problem comes when we go on vacation. We’ve spoiled ourselves rotten at home, and have a terrible time sleeping in inferior beds. Anything smaller than a king-sized bed has us tossing and turning and fighting for space in an extreeeeeemely mature way (“stop touching me!!!” “I’m not! YOU’RE touching ME!!!”), and back in November The Most Uncomfortable Bed In The World forced us to abandon our otherwise wonderful accommodation in Cienfuegos, and upset our gracious hostess in the process.

Hotel beds are usually fine, but our budget is better suited to B&Bs and friends’/relatives’ spare rooms. And so it was on last week’s trip. With my parents in tow, we didn’t even get the best spare room in each case. We slept on a pull-out sofa bed at my sister-in-law’s, an old and not terribly comfortable queen-size bed in the condo we rented in Whistler, and then foam pads on the floor of the computer room at my mother-in-law’s. (The latter was actually the most comfortable bed of the three – or at least the one that offered the most space). These inferior beds meant that I got little sleep on our “vacation”, typically waking two or three times during the night and waking up for good by 6:30 am at the latest. We always relish sleeping in our own bed for the first time after a trip, but last night’s return to home base was particularly welcome.

There was an upside to last week’s inferior sleeping arrangements, though: I got to experience two new categories of dreams!

I love dreams. I find them fascinating. Where do they come from?  What are they for? (And do my cats’ dreams serve the same purpose as my own?) So whole new dream categories are extremely welcome, even if the dreams themselves suck.

Category I: The Boring Dream. 

I had Boring Dreams twice on the trip. I can’t remember what they were about – because they were really, really boring – but I woke up with a huge sense of relief – “thank God that’s over with”. This made waking up at 6 am on a vacation day feel much more welcome than it would have done otherwise.

Category II: The PMS Dream.

I woke up (early, of course) one morning to find myself really, really mad at Mr E Man. The reason? Well, you see, he’d been put in prison for something or other, but I knew that he was innocent, and I worked my ass off for six months to prove it. When I finally got him out of jail – having lost my job and several friends in the process – he wanted to see his friends instead of just spending time with me all the time, and I turned into Super Bitch. In my dream, I knew I was hormonal and wasn’t being entirely rational or reasonable in my anger, but I couldn’t stop myself from escalating the situation, until I ended up screaming at him in front of all his friends – at his prison release celebration party, no less! – and storming off down the street in a dodgy neighbourhood in the middle of the night.

I’m not quite that bad in real life when I have PMS*, but the sense of “oh this is because I’m hormonal but oops I don’t seem to be able to stop myself even though I’ve now realised that I’m overreacting” was uncannily familiar. First time in a dream, though – but not the first time I’ve stayed mad at someone in the morning after “they” pissed me off in a dream!

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*although I did once storm out of a restaurant in a huff because Mr E Man kept tickling my knee after I’d asked him to stop it – TWICE. I already felt silly by the time I got home, about two minutes later…

Posted in blog buddies, family, freakishness, personal, silliness, TMI, travel | 9 Comments